Blood in the garden

The garden was a jungle of exquisite floras,
resided by roses, acacias, hollies, peonies and mulleins.
In perfect harmony the blossoms sang,
humming a picturesque painting at the blessing of showers.

Rivalry sprang as the rain drops scant,
jealous mistresses the peonies succumbed.
Perilous tendrils infiltrated the silent facade,
reaping souls of innocence.

The peonies thrived,
in the reward of fresh blood.
Here marked the soar of a kingdom,
a garden of steely dominance.

Time speaks,
and guilt reverberates.
The glory withers within the blink of conscience.

The land's now an irretrievable rubble,
soiled with decayed petals,
and culprits trapped in the wines of defense.







The trail of thorns,
is leading to nowhere but a broken promise.

2012森声宏亮颁奖典礼

欢迎您出席一年一度的森声宏亮颁奖典礼。森声宏亮颁奖典礼乃李森宏先生的创举，其创意源自于鼓励各路好友聆听自己心中的声音，从中寻找自己，看见自己的亮点。

2012年即将落幕，所有的酸，甜，苦，辣，也都将随它写入历史。首先，让我们用最真挚的心拥抱自己，为自己掌声鼓励。今年辛苦啦！*拍拍肩* 一切都过了。所谓往者不可谏，来者犹可追。那就让我们在鉴赏2012年的喜，怒，哀，乐之余，举手迎接美好的2013。



年度遇见真爱奖：咖啡
        其他入围者：吉他
年度最难熬过奖：7-9月的繁季
        其他入围者：Rural Placement-Traralgon
年度发现新大陆奖：学会吉他
            其他入围者：学会合音（进行中），滑雪，见识music studio
年度最称心博文奖：改。换。
            其他入围者：Journey，死神的礼物，An encounter with the vegetarian Samaritans
年度意义非凡书籍奖：Fifty shades trilogy
                其他入围者：The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Rich Dad Poor Dad

年度意义非凡歌曲奖：If I Die Young-The Band Perry

                其他入围者：心还是热的-S.H.E.

年度最喜爱漫画奖：One Piece

            其他入围者：Fairy Tail, Naruto, Bleach

年度最喜爱饮料奖：Gong Cha奶盖

年度赞赞照片奖：122like,摄影师：涂嘉敏

            其他入围者：84like, 摄影师：李欣怡

年度最佳团体奖：Waiye Gang
        其他入围者：Meddies, 8ties, Trinity kakis
年度最需感谢奖：父母
        其他入围者：黄丽颖女士，各路亲朋好友
年度最具意义奖：在慈济做义工
        其他入围者：在Kechara Soup做义工，在Amnesty做义工
年度最佳旅行奖：和家人乘搭Star Cruise Libra
        其他入围者：Geelong Road Trip， Waiye gang Christmas party+i-city， KL一日游
年度飞跃进步奖：英文写作
        其他入围者：化妆（？），唱歌（？）

年度有待进步奖：做人

        其他入围者：交际，谨慎

年度培养爱好奖：阅读与书写

        其他入围者：音乐
年度观察入微奖：朋友们都谈恋爱了
        其他入围者：贵人特别多
年度突发奇想奖：MAMSA
年度心惊胆跳奖：秃头警报之虚惊一场
年度别再烦我奖：你做么还没有女朋友?
年度最具遗憾奖：从缺
年度代表词语奖：换
年度终身成就奖：万圣节扮女装

谢谢今年在我生命中出现的每个人，谢谢你们让我的2012年过得如此精彩。
森声宏亮颁奖典礼也在此结束，咱们明年见！







年度终极问题：满意今年的表现吗？
年度终极答案：大致尚可，有得有失，有摔有起，明年再接再厉。加油！

改。换。

当水蒸发成大气内的水气，
我们说水的形态改变了。

从另外一个角度来解析，
我们也能说水分子将热能转换成动能了。


能量守恒定律警戒我们，
看似理所当然的变化，
都存着代价。




他眼中的改变，
是你用什么来换的？

An encounter with the vegetarian Samaritans

Decided to stagger my blog posts with an English prose. SO!!!! As I have been discreetly keeping a rather low profile, you might be unaware of my recent whereabouts. Now here's an antidote for your tenacious curiosity. ;P

So, I had been volunteering at Tzu Chi's free clinic (Pudu) for 2 weeks. For some context, Tzu Chi(慈济, meaning mercy and aid respectively) is a Buddhist organization originated from Taiwan. As the organization's christened, it aims at rendering help to the needy and less fortunate. Such compassion is incarnated through a spectrum of community services, varying from recycling to free education and health services(which I'm involved!). 

The reason as to why I'm involved would demand a 50,000-word essay to detail. So to keep things sweet and succinct: I wanted to do something meaningful and rewarding during summer break, and coincidentally, my lovely neighbor could bridge the opportunity. Did that in 20 words, Hell ya! Jokes. Delving deeper into the former point--"meaningful and rewarding", I had personally approved the organization's benevolent motifs after some background research. Atop that, my familial background had sculptured my lack of exposure to local clinics and community services. Ergo, I viewed it as a positive-sum experience as good services are delivered to the needy, while I could broaden my horizon.

Sorry for veering off course, back to more context! The clinic offers a good range of health services, entailing Western medicine, Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), psychological counselling, physiotherapy and dental care. The main target group of the services is the refugees, followed by the poor and needy locals. As much as I dislike being captain obvious, "free" implies that the services do not incur any fee, and that include consultation, investigation(eg. USS, ECG) and medication. Essentially, all expenditure is absorbed by the organization.

Before some insight, the last (and essential) piece of the puzzle is my role of involvement. So, I have been facilitating (or I thought so) the doctor-patient encounter by recording the consultation history (including presenting complaint, assessment, prescription etc) into their computer program. You may be snickering derisively, "That sounds like a pretty mundane and rather redundant position". I certainly agree that my role is not of utmost vitality as many doctors are capable of operating the computer themselves. However, imagine you're working in this clinic, and you have to consult 80-100 patients a day, sometimes all crammed in a morning. Every second counts. You need to multitask, you have to key in the consultation details, while communicating with the patient through an interpreter in the midst of contemplating your next move, having in mind that the previous patient is waiting for an investigation(dipstix or UPT) that needs to be translated into the computer. So, wouldn't it be nice to have someone guarding this barrage of the vast battlefield? In fact, such relief morphs to reprieve when some senior doctors are less apt with electronic gadgets.

When doctors see their past, they teach

Firstly, I need to convey my deepest gratitude to all the doctors who had patiently guided my volunteering regime and bestowed me such an integrative experience. Amongst them, there are a few whose teachings were etched deep in my head and had definitely shaped the mould of my future practice.

Doctor C made me feel more prepared for the clinical years. In terms of hands-on-experience, I was allowed to use a glucometer, perform DEPO injections and remove sutures (almost removed an ingrown toenail T_T). All experiences are accompanied with selfless tips and guidance that a second year medical student would have asked for. Also, it was a timely exposure to the jargons and abbreviations for a medical student who has been divested of clinical exposure.

Doctor N taught me the importance of knowledge and empowerment for a doctor. Knowledge affects one's clinical judgment, granted. Aside that, empowerment is a doctor's capability of doing the right thing at the right time, without losing his objectivity due to tantalizing enticement. Empowerment embodies the referee of clinical judgment - an unbiased judgment ensures the best game. On a side note, why be an uptight doctor when you can be charming?

Doctor T's patient-centered approach reminded me of its importance. More often that not, doctor patient interaction slants asymmetrically as time loses their guard, or wielding patriarchy seems more befitting on dependent and vulnerable patients. It is always easier to blame patients than to educate them, to treat their symptoms than their mentality.This reminder serves as an awakening slap- a mark to be borne for life, a talisman that protects both the patients and doctors.

Doctor S taught me the eclectic approach to medicine. As a TCM practitioner, he sees reason and importance behind Western medicine. Ergo, he amalgamates relevant theories into his practice. For instance, he discourages Chinese massage (铁打) right after a sprain/strain for fear of exacerbating the edema. As a matter of enlightenment, I  will endeavour to understand theories behind different streams of medicine and reconcile theories that I see fit into practice. 

A beautiful encounter of a Western medical student and Traditional Chinese Medicine(TCM)

Herbs contain phytochemicals that can potentially initiate a cascade of physiological response. In collaboration with lifestyle changes, placebo, time and other essential ingredients, no doubt that TCM may have certain efficacy on certain conditions. 

In the realm of modern medicine, evidence-based approach should prevail. Yes, as much as I would attempt to understand some elusive theories and to absorb the preponderant endorsement by users and TCM practitioners, statistics and trials are much needed to testify their efficacy. In fact, I personally reckon the lack of objective measures is one of the biggest issues they are facing. For instance, it's ludicrous to believe that a herb improves liver function, when liver function test isn't performed on the consumers as a means of monitoring. As long as pioneers from TCM are willing to breakthrough the shackled mentality and start applying objective measures, I'm sure TCM will sprout and blossom in near future. And to my great relief, my friend from this field told me that TCM is veering towards this trend as more research is being initiated.

However, even though objective measures are still lacking currently, I don't negate the potential health benefits of TCM. In fact, I personally loud the stronger emphasis they place on lifestyle changes. It is definitely an upstream approach to certain conditions, especially diabetes, hypertension etc first world diseases. However, when it comes to conditions that are either severe or/and symptomatic, it's still more recommendable for TCM to serve as an adjunct rather than the main intervention.

A glimpse of the refugee issue

From my limited interaction with the doctors, staff and patients, I managed to get a cursory glance at the refugee issue. So, many refugees used Malaysia as a transit to migrate to countries such as the US, Australia etc, mainly through UN and other NGOs. Apparently many of them used around RM3000 to trespass the custom (from north for the Myanmar people and by sea for the Indonesians and Africans) through underground agencies. As they laid feet on Malaysia, apart from the more affordable human labour that they offer, they also inflicted surges of socio-economic impact that ripples all over. Some of them spread PTB (pulmonary tuberculosis) as many of them work as kitchen staff while good hygienic practices are lacking, some forged medical documents in hopes of migrating to the aforementioned countries, some became pregnant without proper family planning and spread STIs unintentionally, some committed crimes and got involved in fights after boozing went wild. As per one of my doctors described, “they’ll eventually get to the US, but leaving all the [disasters] (censored) in Malaysia”.

I felt very sorry for the refugees, I suppose they suffered from poverty and political crisis from their home country and now ended up in a foreign country with despicable status and substandard treatment. Although I can understand why some doctors and staff are frustrated and eventually turned apathetic towards them, I feel that they still deserve decent treatment and attitude. As much as I appreciate what the clinic is doing - providing free medication, preventing spread of infectious disease, providing them health advise (eg. family planning etc), sadly, the spine of the problem remains unaddressed. The problem lies in the fact that immigration policies aren't tightened. How could so many refugees trespass the custom should the authority retains their self-righteousness and integrity? Also, it’s inexorable that this situation will persist on a primordial level, should the Third World Countries' socioeconomic problems remain unresolved. To dig out the root of the problem will certainly take time and effort. Small steps should be taken systemically and thankfully, Tzu Chi has been sweeping the tripling stones out of the way in the mean time.

In future, if I’m capable, I would like to serve at the clinic as a doctor (part-time of course) and try to affect a change, even if it's small. 

Thank you everyone for the wonderful experience! Without your kind patience and willingness to teach, I wouldn't have gained as much as I did. Two weeks had fallen short for me to interact with everyone on a deeper level. However, memories blossomed here will be embedded in the cockles of my heart. I'm certainly blessed! =)

When you believe in everything,

you believe in nothing.

There is no room for doubt.

卖冰淇淋有感

来一篇中文贴文。现在是02.11.12的晚上，我放工后刚回到家梳洗完毕。窝在床上追索起兼职的整个过程：从源头，至训练，到备课，再到实况；除了满满的感悟，还是满满的感悟。都不知道能不能用五匹布来概诉。

长话短说：我妹妹找了份兼职，卖NewZealand Natural 雪糕。由于她今天有事不能上班，所以事前就询问我是否有意带班。一来我想体验销售员的生活，二来我闲来无事，三来我想赚些外快，因此我便爽快地接受了这提议。

我职守的地方，一个类似Cold Storage概念的百货公司

我售卖的雪糕，New Zealand Natural (NZN)个人认为它是个定位很模糊的雪糕。它是归类为premium icecream（高级雪糕），可是名气又不如Häagen-Dazs，Baskin Robin ， Ben&Jerry等雪糕。因此它的价钱处于那些雪糕之下，却处于廉价冰淇淋之上。模糊的定位削薄了它的竞争力。倘若我想买的是品牌，我宁可花多几令几购买更高级的雪糕；或如果说我要节约，我货比三家后肯定找得到更好的选择。而且，令我不惑的是该品牌竟然没有零售它们较闻名的sorbet系列。尽管如此，它们还是有些优势的：最微量的人工添加剂，纽西兰引进的食材（牛奶品质很好），算是较有名的雪糕中最便宜的品牌之一（尤其是特价后）。

我打工的造型。我不喜欢它的帽子，因为它凸现出我头很大。而且，样貌在这行不是一般的重要！无奈之下，只好将它轻轻挂在头上，将伤害减到最低。

卖雪糕不是简单的我推销，你就买。好比每个行业，你必须了解游戏规则，再游走于隙缝中。

感悟一：有志者事竟成

是的，我自尊心很强，我享受事成后接踵而来的成就感。那时常成为我的动力，让我卯足劲地做每件事。而且！那project manager的拽样更令我不能给她瞧不起。在训练的当儿，别提整个过程有多散乱（五百匹布酱长），project manager那不可一世的态度令本人非常不悦：“每个人每天都要卖30盒，我可以给你三个理由为什么你一定卖得出：圣诞节，新年和学校假期，如果不行你一定还我六个理由！明白吗？！”。先别提她提出的三个理由不完全成立，因为假期期间其实代表更多人不在本地逛百货，代表顾客群变小。虽然明白她想激励大家，但难免被她高傲的态度冒犯因而设下更高的目标：好，我要卖50盒！让你跌破眼镜！抱着那个态度，我在职全程都不敢松懈，深怕连30盒都卖不出。也因为我有这样的目标，我才会想办法，做功课以提高我达标的机率。虽然最后以31盒成绩收尾，但我至少达到了30盒目标（感悟二会细诉为何这不易）--交得了功课。

感悟二：前车之鉴，后事之师

我妹妹在我的前一天卖雪糕只得10盒，给了我不少提示。首先它让我从春秋大梦中回到现实，50盒雪糕在行销界其实是个天文数字（雪糕定位不佳，百货因为假期人烟稀少，再加上这是间蛮上等的百货（你常去Giant/Tesco/Jusco还是Cold Storage?）），接着，通过她的经验，我建立了更强的概念，对于我该做什么，或不该做什么。她让我了解客户对雪糕的喜好，一般客户的态度，哪个位置顾客来源较多，如何与在场的其他promoter打交道等等等等（登登登登！！！）。那些经验都让我对今天的战斗更有准备，更有信心。

感悟三：知己知彼，百战百胜

如我所分析，这个品牌虽然定位不强，但仍有优势。知己：我必须选择两个口味来当sample，经过一些研究与分析，我选择了Cookies and cream和Forestberry两个口味。两者在NZN网页中皆获得Golden award的头衔，代表它们有一定的品质与顾客回响。前者，通过个人经验与分析，是许多小朋友的最爱，这点非常重要因为小孩是雪糕的主要顾客群。后者，微甜+97% fat free，挺符合较成熟的女人的口味，也是另一个主要的顾客群。口味，一个偏重，一个偏轻；一个属巧克力系，一个属果类系，互相补足，互相乘托。知彼：经过研究，NZN雪糕如我所说，在价钱上和较有品牌的雪糕相比，是占优势的。半公升的雪糕，NZN卖价RM$21.90，Häagen-DazsRM$30.89，Baskin RobinRM$28.00， Ben&JerryRM$26.90，RM$5-9的差距的确可以令人怦然心跳。

感悟四：远亲不如近邻

在家靠父母，出外靠朋友，这句话不是盖的。与其他promoter交流除了替整个行销过程增添了一些乐趣外，他们的帮助是不可或缺的！天晓得是谁，竟然把我收在storeroom整整两百个spare cups给拿掉/偷掉？有没有再cheap一点喔！！！幸好卖紫菜的auntie之后肯让我把其他物品收留在她的摊位，以防再被盗。也庆幸她有一些多余的杯子可以给我（虽然还是不够，有近乎两个小时没杯子，但聊胜于无）。还有谢谢卖Dove的女孩提点我要把垃圾桶收起来，不然我还真的差点忘了。

题外话：当我向project manager求救，问她能不能派人来送我杯子，她的回复实在令人不屑：“Ok. I try to top up for u but cant promise o ;) scare u wait till neck long also cant c me”。直接无言，当然她也没出现。不满原因：一，你之前告诉我们如果发生类似的事时请通知你，你会尽量协助。我感受不到诚意；二，你如果真的不能来，不用紧，我能明白因为这件事发生得很匆促。但，你应该有些sense尽早通知我，而不是将我悬挂在天台4个小时，我可以联络家人来援救。

感悟五：宁可杀错，不可放过

有些顾客比较爽快，有些需要投资多一点sample才回本，但不到最后，你不会知道哪个人是顾客或过客。是的，当资源有限时，你必须更小心挑选有潜质的顾客以节源。又或者是当两批人同时出现，你必须择一因应接不暇。在这种情况下，你必须步步为营，带眼识人。但是，从我的经验，贵人总是不会张扬的把这两个字写在头上。他们是化落成人类的天使，在你不经意的时候，给你一个surprise（我的腔调）。有一次，我把一个sample给了一个看起来满拽，独自购物的少年。正当我以为我美妙的样本无奈报销了，谁知道10分钟后，他出现在我的雪柜前向我购买一盒雪糕，令我瞠目结舌。所以只要资源允许，做promoter就是要脸皮厚，抱着分享圣品的心态与全世界的人交流。

忙/站了整天，脚好像不属于我的了。这堂宝贵的课，我终生受用。哟，夜咯，睡觉去！

感恩，感恩，再感恩。

Sometimes, I just don't know what to feel.

Humans are unique beings gifted with both sentience and rationality. These dual components live in a dynamic equilibrium, where its proportion and harmony depend on the poise one juggles. In this perpetual tug of war, a dominant-subservient-relationship often leads to nothing but chaos.

A conversation in 康熙来了 struck me with a pang of uneasiness. One of the female guests was explaining how a memorable odor ignited a myriad of intricate emotions. Tears pooling in her eyes, at the brink of gushing out her vulnerable dam. Oh my. What about mine, does this trigger exist? A smell? An image? A thought? A touch? A cascade of questions led to the spine of my mental turmoil -- when was the last time I embraced my emotions, truthfully, selflessly? Since when did apathy consume me? In light of that, I delved deep into my memories, conjuring up flickers of reminiscence. Unsurprisingly, the stark contrast between the irretrievable past and present is eminent. What's appalling is my impassiveness. Oh. A curt remark smothered with undue bitterness.

In my pursuit of excellence, self esteem has compelled me to strive, strive and strive for fear of losing the marathon of life. It was especially bad this year. My visual field was so focused and narrowed on my  goals. And of course, I managed to cruise through the year of vicissitudes with tenacious effort. However, as I widened my eyes, my periphery vision became so ... foreign? It reminded me of a song, 离家不远 by 南拳妈妈 singing  "当我满载成就回头向起点望，灰尘布满翅膀飞不回那扇窗". I'm marveled by the duality of time -- the miraculous potion and the merciless poison. Latter in this context, sadly. I was so attuned to the pace of a hectic lifestyle, that I overlooked other things that matter too. This tug of war was played by asymmetrical forces. And so, subconsciously I was whipped into an apathetic robot. In hindsight, recalibration is essential and I hope that the late revelation hasn't inflicted irrevocable damage.

I touched the reflection in the mirror, and I claimed a smile that didn't touch its hitherto-uncrinkled eyes. It offered no solace. Music and literature did though.



In this tugging war,
eclecticism is always the best policy.

Metamorphosis

A youthful caterpillar,

staring into the sky,

fixedly, emptily.

Yearning for the wings,

to embrace the vastness of the unknown.

In the lacking of flair,

amongst competent peers.

A sense of inadequacy emerges,

interrupting the conceited siesta.

Grasping knowledge of pollination,

trudging through waves of resistance;

sharpening the acuity of the shrewdest mind,

honing linguistic versatility and verbal eloquence.

All in preparation for incarnating the dream cherished.

A captive pupa,

enveloped by the cocoon.

Writhing in dilemma,

a phase embodying a double edged blade.

To immobilize or to protect?

Scorched by the blazing sun;

tormented by the mental abyss.

A flickering flare sparked from the deepest soul,

illuminating the darkness of the abode.

Anticipating the freedom,

upon breaking free.

A noble butterfly,

The desired honorific and prerogatives,

morph into responsibility.

Within resonate an instinctive calling,

to pollinate—to reach, to facilitate, to save.

The light is on,

an emanating zeal that’ll never wane.

Metamorphosis never works backwards.